Done

I know that I should be so grateful for every second of this pregnancy. We waited SO long to get pregnant. But I have to be honest, I am MISERABLE! I really can't stand being pregnant anymore. I am fine with the running to pee every five minutes, I am fine with waddling, I am even fine with not sleeping. But I am NOT fine with the pain. I have this tremendous lower back ache and I feel so crampy, like a horrible period. It last for hours with no relief. Yesterday I had contractions all night and morning about 10-15 minutes apart (sometimes sooner sometimes longer). I had a regular Dr. appt so I just waited until then. But of course, as soon as I got there - the contractions stop. On top of that - I am not even dilated! I am still only 50% effaced. The baby is still engaged to a station 0 (has been for about 5 weeks!). I am SO miserable! I just want him out. If the back ache and cramps would go away I could probably handle the pregnancy a little longer. But this is insane. It's like having the flu - there is no point to the misery.

The Dr. gave the option of being induced tonight but said that there was a 50% risk of C-Section because I am not dilating. She also gave me the choice of taking some Ambien and getting some sleep. Of course I want the induciton but with some prompting from my hubby I chose the Ambien and rest for a few more days. (Thanks honey!!!) So I come home and take the Ambien. I start to fall asleep and can't because the pain gets too intense. The baby has shifted to the left and caused constant pain on my back and front. I call my aunt and she helps me get more comfy but it takes about an hour. So I am really tired at that point. I fall asleep and the stupid doorbell rings. I answer the door, fall asleep and the doorbell rings again! This happened 4 times. By that time - I gave up. It was 5pm and there was no resting. I slept for only about 30 minutes. That Ambien made me so sleepy but there was no sleeping! But I slept great last night! :-) From about 10pm till 4 this morning.

I went for a massage around noon and had to have her stop about 20 minutes in. The baby moved over to that left side again and I couldn't take the pain anymore. Luckily I was only about 2 minutes from home. I came home and tried everything to get the baby to move. I took a lot of praying and an hour and a half, and finally he shifted off whatever it was that was causing so much pain.

Now it's just a constant lower back ache and period cramps. When is it going to end?? Am I horrible for being so ungrateful? I have wanted this baby for so long and now I can't wait to get him out. I want it to be over with... I feel like a horrible mom!